www.tomskillman.ca

Something dramatic and significant occurred to me a few days ago.

It goes a little something like this:

Part “A”: I have a problem.

Part “B”: I go through all the bullshit of sorting out that problem. Introspection, disgust, revelation, agony, defeat, elation, you name it, something happens, and a ton of time passes before…
Part “C”: I GET OVER IT, and move on with my life.
So… that middle part… the part “B”? Why the fuck does that take so freaking long sometimes??? It occurred to me that NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, I inevitably get over it!! It makes all the ridiculous B.S. of Part “B” seem like a colossal waste of time. So… my new personal life goal (until I get distracted, bored, or just solve it) is to eliminate as much of the wasted time that occurs in Part “B” as I can, seeing as I always make it to Part “C” anyway! Here’s an example of the “old way”.
THE OLD WAY
Part “A”: I have said something that has offended a person… yet I personally believe my opinion. For example, I inadvertently told someone I know that this guitarist I had heard sucked… only it turned out the guitarist I heard was him! Whoops… time for part “B”…

Part “B”: [internal-mental-battle] “ah fuck, why did I have to say that, now this person feels bad” (spend a period of time struggling with the realization that I made this person feel like a shitty guitarist)….”ah, now this person thinks I’m an asshole”…(spend a period of time struggling with the realization that this person thinks I’m an asshole) …. ” man, I’m having trouble reconciling my opinion which is mine, and I believe to be valid, with the amount of insult I laid on”…(segue to concern about whether or not my opinion IS valid, feel arrogant, mope about possible arrogance (such a loathsome quality), develop additional concern that I can’t keep my mouth shut, that I didn’t get all my facts, that I care too much about what someone thinks). TIME PASSES.

Realization that I’ve been moping, pre-occupied with concern for this person ’s feelings, concern that my opinion isn’t valid, question the meaning of life and my place in it, curse the gods for not making these things easier, TIME PASSES.

Finally admit to myself that my opinions belong to me, and I can share them if I want… sharing them does not change them, it only brings possible repercussions. Recongize that I do this frequently… fall BACK into moping and concern that I can’t seem to keep my opinions to myself… TIME PASSES.

Realize that this person just may in fact be… a shitty guitarist. That if they can’t deal with the facts, too bad. Feel bad about being blunt about it, think about how badly I can suck at things at times, yet my view of my potential pushes me forward…wonder if this person was merely working out issues in their playing, or just sucks, plain and simple. TIME PASSES.

Get back to realizing that it’s done, the damage has occurred, counter opinions have occurred, everything is now BEYOND MY CONTROL. Decide if I’m going to do something about it… TIME PASSES. Finally decide, either a) say something nice to counter the negative, or b) immediately move to Part “C”. If a), continue on with TIME PASSES.

hmmm. With all this time passing, not a lot has gotten done… realize I have other issues to fry, move to part “C”.

Part “C”: GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE.

WHOOOOOAAAAAA. What a fucking complicated way to live my life! Let’s try the “new way”, picking it up from Part “B”:

NEW WAY

Part “B”: Whoops. I screwed that up. Oh well. Either a) apologize, move to part “C”, or stick to my opinion with confidence, move to part “C”.
Part “C”: GET OVER IT, get on with my life.

Now, isn’t that so much better?
Why waste my time with all the bullshit feelings I put on myself, when the only thing that needs to happen is either to make amends, or stick to my guns?

And that’s my random musing for the day. I got some gig updates too. As relevant as that may seem.